JINX
October 4, 2001
jinx
(jingks) n. 1. One to bring
bad luck. 2. A spell of bad luck --v. To bring bad luck to.
A little over three weeks ago I was sitting on a couch at a small
get-together watching one of my favorite shows, "Will & Grace." The show,
which is has always made me laugh, made me laugh even more that night as I
was able to share it with the friends I have been able to meet over the past
four or five months. There were about 30 people crammed into the small
living room, entryway, and breakfast nook watching taped versions of the
program. We were so crammed that four of us were sandwiched into the couch.
I initially was not going to sit on the couch, but there was a cute guy who
had made his way to the sitting place and I wanted to join him and possibly
meet him. Without hesitation, I sat down in his spot (while he was in the
restroom), and allowed him to squeeze in beside me when he returned. We
introduced ourselves and proceeded to make ourselves comfortable on the
couch. I have to say, he looked cute. He was a little shorter than I am,
and had darker hair. However, he did have about the same waist size as I
do. His eyes were brownish-hazel and he obviously took care of his teeth.
Needless to mention, I was quite impressed. As we watched the show, our
arms rested on one-another, but I could not tell if this was because he
wanted his arm there or because he was forced to place his arm against mine.
When the shows were done, he got up to walk into the kitchen. As he got out
of the chair, he said to me, "Glad you came tonight. Hope to see you
again." This statement caught me a little off-guard. I wasn't going
anywhere. He wasn't going anywhere either. So was I supposed to take this
as a clue that he was not interested, but he was just being cordial? That
is what I ran with and sought out my other friends and talked to them. Soon,
people were leaving sporadically and my couch companion was no exception.
He walked through the kitchen, said goodbye as he passed me, and left
through the front door. I was a little disappointed that I was not able to
talk to him more before he left, but I knew I would have my chance again.
Fortunately, the chance came sooner than I thought.
That night, we watched the programs at my friend Richard's house. He
greeted and said goodbye to everyone as they entered and left the house.
When "my" guy left, Richard got his email address and asked if he could give
it to me. Needless to say, I was a little taken aback when I heard what he
had done. I have always thought it was weird to give someone someone else's
phone number or email address without a direct link. Anyway, I emailed this
guy the next day. I had no idea what to say in the note, so I just told him
that it was a pleasure to meet him at the party and hoped to see him again
soon. We exchanged emails on September 10. Over the course of the next few
days, as the tragedies unfolded in the northeast, he and I focused on those
events rather than on emailing each other. On Thursday, he did email me
making sure I was holding together in light of the events, and reconfirmed
his anticipation to meet again at an upcoming party. A few days later we
met again, hit it off, and have been seeing each other since.
* * *
Do you fail to knock on wood? Or do you dare to walk under a ladder or pass
from throwing spilt salt over your shoulder? Or maybe you live on the edge
and crack a mirror or two on a regular basis? I am not one to believe in a
"jinx". However, my friend Peter in New York does. He started dating
someone a while back and neglected telling me his name. At first I thought
it was weird he would leave out such an important detail. He explained that
it was more than just a jinx to tell a friend your new-found boyfriend's
name, but it was also a matter of convenience, in case things didn't work
out. Basically, if I never knew his name, I wouldn't have to ask about him,
and Peter wouldn't have to explain to all of creation if it ended abruptly.
Upon reflection, we all have some sort of methodology in regards to new
relationships. We may not introduce someone we have recently met to friends
until after the third week. Or we may not plan a vacation with a new lover
until after the fifth month. Hell, we may even still eat "dutch" at dinner
until we KNOW things are going to work out. I admit I have had my fair
share of reservations. With my ex-boyfriend Blaine, I wanted to wait on
planning a vacation until I knew for sure things might work out. With Tom,
I didn't want keys to his place until I knew we were committed. With Jay, I
didn't want to move all the way to Florida until I knew he loved me without
a shadow of a doubt. With Keith, I didn't want to meet his parents until I
knew he understood what I was all about. Did I think that if any of these
events happened before I thought they needed to that they would some how
jinx the upcoming relationship? I guess I did. I simply called it by
another name: apprehension. Granted, I know things do not always work out
for the best for couples, but does that mean we have to hold back - thinking
that things might not go as far as we would like them to?
I have my reservations with the new guy I am seeing. If I call him
boyfriend, will that end it? If I send him roses at this point, would that
be the signal of a doomed relationship? I think not. In the past, I have
held back my feelings and my life from people. I have not wanted to get
close for fear of rejection and possible isolation. It's not the best
feeling to spill your life to someone one day to have him out of it the
next. But it is a risk I will take. Are we taking it "slow" or are we
avoiding further jinxes? And what in the hell does "taking it slow" mean
anyway? Each relationship is different and timelines are not established in
any of them. As compared to others, we may be moving fast. I know couples
who dated for months and never kissed the whole time. To others, we are
slower than molasses. To those who slept together and said they loved each
other in the first five minutes, we say: That is your pace, not ours.
So here I am, writing about someone new in my life. Someone I have quickly
come to care about. And in doing so, I am erasing yet another jinx from my
board of "new relationship taboos." I never write about new people I meet.
What if things end in a fiery ball of goo? Then I will have to write
another journal entry and explain it all. I don't want to have to do that.
But what if things don't end at all? What if things progress to a point of
matrimonial bliss? If that is the case, then within this journal I will
have a beginning entry regarding my new walk in life.
And to erase another jinx, the cute guy who sat by me on the couch and later
turned into a great man with an even better personality, his name is Shane.
Remember it. I will be mentioning him again.